The Four Houses of Hogwarts School of Nerdery
By Brian Murphy and Owen Parsons / July 21, 2011
Larpindor is home to live action roleplayers and cosplayers alike. They’re notable for their bravery in the face of embarrassment. While others wouldn’t dare be seen in public wearing mis-matched socks, students of Larpindor are perfectly comfortable wearing cat ears and ill-fitting leotards as they shamelessly swing foam weapons at their friends. Their heroism in pretend battle knows no bounds, some facing off in numerous pretend duels every time they attend a con. Their house ghost is a 400 pound girl dressed as Ramona Flowers.
Ragenclaw is host to comic book nerds and angry forum commenters. Armed with an encyclopedic knowledge of all things nerdy, students of Ragenclaw use their useless wisdom to condescend to their nerdy brethren. They are incapable of losing an argument, pulling from countless years of reading books and manga based on their favorite franchises. They value accuracy above all else and would rather you be entirely true to the source material than create anything remotely enjoyable. Their remedial house is Derpinclaw, for outspoken nerds who are entirely clueless but nitpick for the sake of being condescending asses.
Nooblepuff is home to n00bs and casual players. They enjoy motion gaming, retro classics, and occasionally going outside. Though they’re frequently the target of ridicule by other houses, the rivalry is mostly one-sided. Nooblepuff students are often perfectly content surrounding themselves with nergles (non-nerds) and can sometimes pass for nergles themselves. Some more ambitious Nooblepuffs will attempt to pose as members of more prestigious houses, but are usually discovered after flashbanging themselves. Students of Nooblepuff are significant only for their storied history of carnal conquest, preferring human penises and vaginas over anime body pillows.
Lulzerin is host to griefers and trolls. They find extreme glee in the displeasure of others and are especially fond of PvP in online RPGs and FPS for consoles. Lulzerin students are known to verbally assault others with profanity and racial slurs, stopping only when they’ve been manually muted. Some of the more devious members will utilize cheats to win games. Others do it simply to create chaos. The fun of their gaming experience entirely hinges on how miserable they can make everyone else. The Lulzerin common room can be reached by solving the following riddle: “Tits or GTFO.”
